thus making me awesome and them whores
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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