How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude i'm inner monologue high
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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