Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
