I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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