my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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