bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fuck appropriateness.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
