The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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