I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just gift wrapped bread.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
