only if we run a train.
done.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
