Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
