I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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