You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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