Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.