I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.