3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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