At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
