Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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