Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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