Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
