Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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