you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
