I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
