Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
