i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
