I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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