I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
