I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
