so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
