I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
