I think I just saw someone hide a body.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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