Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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