My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
