all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
