Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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