Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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