my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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