I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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