My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
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HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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