You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
