we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
