Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
