Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
