she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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