Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
