Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
