Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
