ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
