i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize