If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize