Where is the hickey?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
