Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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