i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh god it's open bar.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
