Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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