Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
