I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
