if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
