anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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