he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
