So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so let's talk penis.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
