Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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