He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
