Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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