he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
