No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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