Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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