What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
