just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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