Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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