i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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