I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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