I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
